Poetry/ Thomas Peters

I
am a
victim of
advertising

(Pome) 

Part 1. 

I wanted 

Red Ball Jets 

tennis shoes 

that would help

me jump over 

a six foot fence 

I wanted the

six foot 

submarine 

in the back of

comic books 

for $6.99

inc. shipping 

to be a fully 

functioning 

submarine 

I wanted X-Ray 

Spex that just 

let me see through 

some peoples 

clothes 

I wanted a

slinky that 

perfectly and

cinematically 

and balletically

and slowly

descended 

a stair case

one step 

at a time 

I wanted

a wrist rocket

slingshot that 

transformed me 

to the perfect 

ninja invisible 

marksman 

I wanted the girl 

in silver metallic

hot pants 

and silver Go-Go boots

in the Detroit Tigers 

program 

I wanted Ursula

Andress in the 

waterfall in 

the white 

holiday anniversary 

edition of Playboy 

and the white 

holiday anniversary 

issue of Playboy 

the photo 

was in … 

I wanted 

a Tiger 

in my tank

and my 

Special K

& Frosted Flakes 

to be 

Grrrrreeat!

I wanted 

the Rat Trap 

game to be 

as cool

as the one 

in the TV

commercial 

I wanted 

the wooden 

tackle box

my sister 

said was waiting 

for me on 

Christmas morning 

to be the magical

tackle box it was

in my imagination 

I wanted the 

metal flake transparent 

lime green 

Yo-Yo  

I wanted 

from Hasbro

to turn me 

instantly into 

an unbelievable 

Yo-Yo champion 

the envy of all other 

Yo-Yo champs 

I wanted the 

bowling set

I got for my 

first Christmas 

I cd remember 

to be replete 

with sounds 

like the thunder-

storms I was told 

were Rip Van Winkle 

And Wee Willie Winkie 

bowling in the heavens 

I wanted our 

Jungle Gym 

to come with 

a real jungle 

and to be more 

like Tarzan’s 

treehouse 

I wanted the 

prize in the bottom  

of the Cracker Jack box

to be a real 

surprise 

I wanted what ever 

surprise that came 

at the bottom of the 

cereal box to be 

more valuable than 

the cost of 10 boxes 

of cereal, burying 

my arm elbow deep

into the box of cereal 

and coming out with 

the prize and my arm 

covered in sugar dust 

I wanted my

Alice Cooper
45 RPM record 

to come with

Alice Cooper 

complete with 

eye make up and

pythons 

I wanted

my rat-a-tat

machine gun

with sparks 

to make as 

much noise as

a real machine gun

and the sparks 

to be like flames 

shooting out the barrel

….

I wanted 

the 99 cent 

baby alligator 

from SS Kresege 

and the back of 

magazines 

to grow to a 

6 foot alligator 

in the baby blue 

plastic kiddie pool 

I imagined I would 

need for it in the 

basement before 

being forced by my 

parents to release 

it in the sewers 

where it would meet 

other dime store 

alligators before 

populating them 
and the tiny 

painted turtles 

they sold at the 

drug store to grow 

up to be gigantic 

snapping turtles 

and my new 

best friend. 

Equal Opportunity

for Jim Gustafson

I need a trigger warning

when white people use the N word

I need a trigger warning

when black people use the C word

I need a trigger warning

when white kids rap

I need a trigger warning

when people sing folk songs

I need a trigger warning

when white boys in $350 Frye boots

sing hillbilly songs

when white kids with $350 bongs

say they don’t have $3.99 for a book

I need a trigger warning

for trigger warnings

I need a trigger warning

when boys use the B word

when Men use the C word

when girls use the D word

when women use the F word

when Vapers use the E word

when whiggers use the G word

when Junkies use the H word

when Narcissists use the I word

when potheads use the J word

when Valley Girls use the ‘K word

when Lugs use the L word

when babies use the MMmmmm word

when anyone uses the N word

when people make the O face

when dudes make the P face

when pool players use the Q word

I need a trigger warning

for trigger warnings

I need a trigger warning

for warnings

I need a trigger warning

for war

I need a trigger warning

for gerunds

I need a trigger warning

for Trigger

I need a trigger warning for

Roy Rogers

I need a trigger warning for

Tom Mix

I need a trigger warning

when Naropa students

leave their homes

I need a trigger warning

for Cops with itchy trigger fingers

I need a trigger warning for

when postal workers go postal

for when the Coast guard goes coastal

for when my Post Toasties get soggy

I need a trigger warning

I need a trigger warning

my Pronouns are

“where and when”

I am past tense

I am passed over

I am Beethoven

before he rolled over

I won poetry slams

before yr Mom was born

before yr Grandma ate corn

before yr daughter did porn

I need a trigger warning

for Nudity

for smoking

for drug use

for the lack of drug use

I need a trigger warning

for sex,

for food,

for drinking

I need a trigger warning

when this passes for thinking

I need a trigger warning

for performance poets

calling themselves poets

for slammers slamming

for folkies folking

get yr mother folkin’

ukulele lovin’ ass back

to grade school

because I need a trigger warning

for leaving the house

for Susans acting like Karens

for Karens acting like Sallys

for Billies bobbies for Scorceses

portraying Italians like I-talians

for Spike Lee slamming Tarantino

for Billy Bobs Bobbing

and forgivers not forgiving

and fortakers not fortaking

and partakers not partaking

I need a trigger warning

for the express lane

I need a trigger warning for

the guy in the 10 items or less aisle

with a 12 pack, I need a trigger warning ….

My MOM

An aborted epic pome

My Mom

Will never answer

Her cell phone

After 1 ring

again

My Mom

Will never rake

Her own leaves

again

At 89 years old

My Mom

Will never

Shovel her own

Snow

again

My Mom

Will never wonder

Whether or not to have

2 frozen spaghetti

Dinners

again

My Mom

Will never

Renew her

Drivers license

again

My Mom

Will never

Open a bottle

Of wine

Have 1 glass

And put it back

In the fridge

again

My Mom

Will never again

Boil the water

For her Kroger brand

Instant coffee

She will drink right

Before bed

again

My Mom

Will never again

Ask me for a password

To prove I am me

On the phone

again

My Mom

Will never

Say she only

Wants to live

5 more years

again

My Mom

Will never

Begrudgingly

Pet a dog

That she

Secretly loves

again

Or fall in love

With my sisters

Cat she is begrudgingly

Watching

again

My Mom

Will never again

Answer all the questions

On jeopardy correctly

again

My Mom

Will never laugh

At my jokes

again

My Mom

Will never

Do anything

On this earth

Ever

again

My Mom

Will never

again.

My Mom

Will never

My Mom’s

Will

My Mom

My Ma

My

Y ?

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TOM PETERS was born in Detroit, attended Texas Christian and Central Michigan universities, graduated Naropa Institute. He also has made films, acted in films, television, and music videos. He runs the Beat Book Shop in Boulder, Colo. and curates and hosts the longest-running weekly open poetry reading in the world, every Monday since 1987. Films of him reading at The Denver Art Museum with Allen Ginsberg are broadcast on PBS. Peters has performed with members of The Laughing Hyenas, Mule, Negative Approach, L7, Sonic Youth, DeVotchka, A Tribe Called Quest, and Architects Office, among others. He has read with Allen Ginsberg, Peter Orlovsky, Jack Micheline, and hundreds of other poets. 

Peters has shared a stage and opened for The Flaming Lips, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Beastie Boys, The Smashing Pumpkins and the bands mentioned above. His performance at Lollapalooza was said to be “the first time a poet of his generation engaged a crowd of that size (30,000 people) in a positive manner.” The poet Robert Creeley said of Peters as a poet that he is “the real thing.”